Updated: Jul 16, 2020
As a millennial mom, I've been reading all things enneagram lately. I loved the book Path Between Us by Suzanne Stabile, but I have found a new favorite: Becoming Us by Beth & Jeff McCord.
My husband (1w9) and I (3w2) have read through this little beauty together and are implementing some changes in the way we communicate and interact with another.
Studying the enneagram has given me a lot of insight into why I do some of the things I do, and has encouraged me to continue growing to become the best version of myself. It has also helped me to understand some of what my husband thinks and feels and why certain things may matter to him that don't necessarily matter to me.
For instance, my husband's personality (1w9) desires personal perfection and peaceful interaction. He may experience intense internal critique when he doesn't do something with absolute perfection but doesn't want to bother me with his feelings. I have been learning to intentionally ask him how he is doing and ask how I can support him. I proactively remind him of how great a husband and father he is and affirm him for how hard he works to provide for our family.
My innate personality (3w2) desires to be successful and help meet the needs of others. As a stay at home mom, I do a lot of meeting the needs of others, but receive very little recognition or affirmation. Can anyone else relate? 😂😂 My husband has learned to thank me for the things that I do well (keeping the house clean, spending our budget wisely, keeping our kids alive and thriving) and I have learned to accept that this season with two young kids may come without a paycheck or accolades from work. I can find success in the little things with my kids, time encouraging friends, and the various ministries that I have leadership in.
Motherhood is hard, whether you are a Stay-at-home mom, work-from-home mom, or a working mom. Having a spouse who understands and supports you is crucial on those days when mom life is exhausting. And I can guarantee that he needs that same love and support from you, but maybe delivered in a way that you wouldn't expect.
What are your enneagram types and how does that impact your relationship with your spouse?
**If you don't know your type yet, I highly recommend the free test created by the authors at https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/